Comments on: Notes from a Native Mother

By: Debbie Kuehn

Debbie Kuehn — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 18:44:58 +0000

One month ago, my only sibling, my brother Colin, also died of leukemia (AML) like the husband of Joanne Gonzalez, who wrote above. We were extremely close. He was 44 with two young children, 2 and 6. His good friend Pat gave me “The Year of Magical Thinking” last week and I finished it last night. It is the only book I have read since my brother’s sickness began a year ago. I now see it is the only book I could have possibly read in this time. Like others who have written on this site, I cannot wait to read more of Joan Didion’s work. Also like others, I found this site while looking for more information on Quintana. Pat had told me of her death when he gave me the book. I was at first afraid to read the book, thinking it would make my pain worse. Instead, Joan Didion’s wonderful ability to put a name to those feelings we all know but just can’t articulate was therapeutic for me. The book will remain on my bedside table indefinitely to be read again and again as I travel down this well worn path of grief and mourning. Thank you, Joan Didion, and thank you, Pat.

By: Jenny Esots

Jenny Esots — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 06:24:47 +0000

This is my year of grief. Undertanding it is all around us does not dampen the sense of loss. Like most entries have just finsihed reading The Year of Magical Thinking. Is this our way of dealing with something we just don’t want to hear? Dad died a horrible death, literally drowning in his own secretions, of emphysema/old age. Mum has long gone. An orphan is an orphan. A widow is a widow. The pain is real.
Thanks for the open discussion.
Regards,
Jenny E.

By: Sarah Jorgensen

Sarah Jorgensen — Sun, 11 May 2008 05:17:25 +0000

I just finished “Magical Thinking”. Yes, it is thoughtful, insightful, frank, etc. I relate to Didion’s fanatical retracing of events, searching for clues, philosophical queries , and musing. I feel i have been living in this mode for the past month. Her description of the way people who are grieving look (”invisible”), put words to the way I have been feeling. I just lost my father all too soon. Watching him die a rather painful, violent hospital death, i often retrace my thoughts, and try to imagine myself with more power- or think of how it had been different had he been surrounded by a more competent people his remaining years. Didion makes some statements in her book that are rather narrow, and can best be understood as from a perspective of grief. She talks about the loss of a parent as expected, as somehow not “rating” compared with that of a mate (well, what if that parent dies before they have been able to retire or enjoy life, or before the child has been able to grow up or succeed and make them proud? or a myriad of other possibilities). She also says that divorce does not make someone truly alone. She knows nothing of the type of isolation that comes after a failed marriage. I have been told by someone, who has lost two husbands, that “divorce is worse than death in some ways, because you are left judged.” The truth is, as Didion should be able to understand, grief is not selective. It can undermine and un glue whether it comes from death or some other form of loss. And everyone gets a dose of it in the end.

By: Rosemary Gargano

Rosemary Gargano — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:12:32 +0000

I finished ” Magical Thinking” last night and was on the phone just now,+ with a friend whose husband is about to go through a medical ordeal. I was going on and on about losing yourself in a Vortex, when you are feeling worried or sad, taking you back to a happy place in your life. My friend then told me how terribly she feels and how she couldn’t even stand the fact that Joan had lost Quintana also. I had no idea so I went back and looked and looked in the book for a sign, but found none.. So sorry, so sad, what a shock but still what a great read! I have a husband of 40 years, we are very much in love, he is in his office in this house with me all day long. Sometimes, we do not see each other from morning until night. This book is the wake up call we all need. I am going to make lunch dates and look forward to our cocktail hour with great anticipation now. Thank you, Joan, I wish I could write something so elegant that would make such an impression on you. This book is a wake up call.

By: Danielle Weber

Danielle Weber — Sat, 29 Dec 2007 14:00:42 +0000

I finished “…Magical Thinking” and cannot get it out of my head. This novel has really touched me. I wanted to know more about Quintana, and was shocked to find out that she died. I feel awful, and my heart goes out to Ms. Didion. It really changed how I want to live my life– cherishing everyone close to me, because you never know– you could sit down to dinner and life does change as you know it. This book was beautifully written, and I wold love another on Quintana, I don’t know why but she feels so familiar to me. There is something about everyone in this novel that makes me feel like I know them and was there. Thanks for such a beautifully written book, you are an inspiration to all.

By: Darla Logue

Darla Logue — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 19:40:28 +0000

Like so many others who have written I found this site while trying to get more information on Quintana Roo. I finished Magical Thinking this morning and read it in record time. I lost my husband Sept. 1, 2004 and as I read the book I kept thinking about what I was doing on the dates that Ms Didion mentions throughout the book. I have been having a hard time letting him go, but this book resonates with me-the grief she expresses and the thoughts she had during that first year were very familiar to me. I know I need to leave him be dead, I struggle to find meaning in life without him, though. I read only one other book about losing a spouse, more of a how-to which deeply depressed me. I vowed I would not read another. I found the title too interesing to resist. I am glad I gave in to my curiousity. This book will help me. Thank you Ms Didion.

By: KateM

KateM — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 01:07:52 +0000

A most beautiful book. If you ever find it in your self to write about Quintana, the world certainly awaits your deft touch. From all I can gather, John Gregory Dunne would be so proud.

By: Niki

Niki — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 14:56:06 +0000

The book is inspiring. I find myself reading it again and again. It reminds me to live in the moment, and not take my life and my family for granted. Ms. Didion, I am sorry to hear of your losses.

By: maria de cesari

maria de cesari — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 17:43:18 +0000

I am Italian and my English is “poor”.Yet I must say I read “The Year of Magical Thinking” once,twice…and I will go on reading it…It seems to me that grief is the only way to remember:I have lost my husband eight years ago.The best way to remember is through the universal grief expressed by a great artist

By: Joanne Gonzalez

Joanne Gonzalez — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 20:42:55 +0000

My 50 year old husband died of acute mylogenous leukemia 11 years ago. When I heard about Joan’s book, “The Year Of Magical Thinking” I was afraid to read it. I have finally started it, and immediately connected to her search for knowledge and comfort through literature. I kept going to ” When he dies, cut him into a million stars, and he will make the heavens so fair that all the world will be in love with night.”
And then, her daughter too…it doesn’t bear thinking about. My deepest sympathy to her.