Notes from a Native Mother
Quintana Roo Dunne Michael, daughter of Joan Didion and the late John Gregory Dunne, died on Friday after a “lingering illness.” A photographer, Ms. Michael was married to musician Gerry Michael. She was 39.
The following is an excerpt from Joan Didion’s essay “On Going Home,” written in 1967.
It is time for the baby’s birthday party: a white cake, strawberry-marshmallow ice cream, a bottle of champagne saved from another party. In the evening, after she has gone to sleep, I kneel beside the crib and touch her face, where it is pressed against the slats, with mine. She is an open and trusting child, unprepared for and unaccustomed to the ambushes of family life, and perhaps it is just as well that I can offer her little of that life. I would like to give her more. I would like to promise that she will grow up with a sense of her cousins and of rivers and of her great-grandmother’s teacups, would like to pledge her a picnic on a river with fried chicken and her hair uncombed, would like to give her home for her birthday, but we live differently now and I can promise her nothing like that. I give her a xylophone and a sundress from Madeira, and promise to tell her a funny story.
October 13, 2005 at 6:30 pm
I knew Quintana at Bennington College. Very sad to hear she has gone. I had not spoken to her in, well, 19 years, but I would have liked to. Guess it’s too late, but I wish I kept in touch, she was a very fun person when I knew her. My condolences to all Quintana’s friends and family.
-Cleary
October 25, 2005 at 7:08 pm
I Knew Quintana personally through my mother, she was a sweet girl. I’m saddened to hear of her passing.My condolences to Joan. My mother loved you, John and Q very very much.
December 28, 2005 at 12:48 am
With respect to Joan Didion’s place in her own story, I am troubled by how difficult it is to learn anything about Quintana, except that she belonged to the Dunnes. I attempted to located even an obituary, but all roads seem to lead to “…Magical Thinking.”
Otherwise, I just finished reading Mrs. Dunne’s book. Necessary. Painful.
Accurate.
December 30, 2005 at 2:14 pm
I too am troubled at how difficult it is to learn anything about Quintana, her work and her life. Having just finished …Magical Thinking I feel compelled to complete the picture by understanding more about Quintana, her life and her death. Perhaps Didion will grace us with another book filling in the missing pieces. I could not put down …Magical Thinking and will keep it with other classics about life, inevitable loss and survival.
December 30, 2005 at 10:02 pm
I could not put the book down and I do hope that Joan will write another
book about Quintana.
My daughter and I are looking forward to the play Joan is writing for
Broadway.
My deepest sympathy goes out to Joan. I cannot even begin to imagine
what it would be to suffer this kind of loss.
God bless you, Joan.
January 25, 2006 at 12:15 am
I just finished …..Magical Thinking and cannot stop thinking about it.
Only after I had finished the novel did I learn of Quintana’s death. Although
I have never met Joan Didion, I felt compelled to write to someone to
express my heartfelt sympathy .
February 7, 2006 at 12:55 am
i bought “…magical thinking” today. i read “goodbye to all that” upon my arrival in new york 6 years ago and was immediately indebted to didion’s sense of expressing that which is personal and pragmatic, all at once—with grace. having given birth to a quintana ruth just 2 years ago (after my maiden name) i can only imagine what gifts she and her daughter exchanged in 39 years. it is said that God does not give us more than we can handle. what strength joan didion must possess to endure such loss.
February 11, 2006 at 6:46 pm
Picked up “….Magical Thinking” to read on my trip to Santa Fe. Wow. It was hard to focus on the vacation. I didn’t want to put the book down. Thank you for sharing all this with me, Joan. John’s last birthday present to you was, indeed, a beautiful gift if it gave you the confidence you needed to continue to write and grace us with the words of wisdom and the power to live a life that has meaning. All this I found in your book and I thank you. I am deeply saddened by the loss of your beautiful Quintana. If ever we meet, I will cry for your loss (and mine) and hug you until my tears stop flowing.
February 12, 2006 at 10:33 am
I learned about Didion’s book on the Today show during her interview with Katie Couric. I immediately ordered it and I just finished the book this morning. For some reason I was also compelled to learn more about Quintana. Although I haven’t lost a child, my last two years have been filled with extreme personal grief and I wanted to connect with someone who has written about their own experience. Just the connection I was able to establish through Joan’s incredible writing ability has helped me feel less alone. Thank you, Joan, and God Bless. I will continue to hold you up in prayer.
February 16, 2006 at 6:39 pm
Magical Thinking is a compelling book which doesn’t end with the last page. Our hunger for more has brought us all here.
March 26, 2006 at 11:44 pm
Your book was compelling and important for me on so many levels, as one who has suffered personal losses of her own. I hope I will be a far better friend to those I love who must experience the pain of grief, for your year of magical thinking taught as much about the limits of what I can do as it does about the sequence of grief itself. My fervent wish is that somehow, someway, writing this book helped when you received the blow of Quintana’s death. It’s just a wish. I don’t see how it can come true. May the thoughts and prayers of those whose lives you’ve touched personally and through your writing combine to bring you comfort.
April 3, 2006 at 6:33 pm
I met Quintana Roo Dunne when I was 11 years old at a pali/malibu ymca track meet. I had for 3 years been the fastest girl in my town and then that one saturday I saw this unfamiliar girl. She was beautiful. She had a long golden braid down her back and beautiful legs that were muscular and tan.
I was completely intimidated and in awe at the same time. I wanted to dislike her but she said hello and smiled and wished me luck. When we got on the starting blocks I was so nervous I jumped the gun and we had to begin again. This time I missed the gun and everyome left me in the dust
but Quintana inspired me and I ran as fast as my 11 year old body could go and we tied!!! She hugged me and that was that. For years after I always said her name. I thought it was such a cool name and she was cool. Then when we moved to Malibu we had friends in common but I never got to know her. She passed on my birthday and I am also a photographer.
I was so saddened by her death and it was only then that I realized whom her parents were.
I started Magical Thinking yesterday and am unable to put it down. I have never read Joan Didon and now I will go back and read everything she ever wrote. I am there with her, she is a great writer.
I commend her strength and pray she finds peace somewhere in this horrific tragedy we call life. I will be at Zuma this weekend and I will talk to the butterflies and tell them to share their wings with Quintana, She was a beautiful girl and she had a presence that I felt at only 11. God Bless you and yours. I am so sorry fo your pain and loss. God Speed Q!!!
May 16, 2006 at 8:54 pm
I am blown away by all of us who want to know more about Quintana Roo. I am currently reading The Year of Magical Thinking but nearly did not start it because of my own loss: my beautiful 24 year old son died just 8 months ago. As I read the book I keep thinking that Ms Didion does not know how awful grief can be. Just moments ago I discovered that her child had died. I shall hope she does write about her grief. Losing a child is like nothing else.
May 22, 2006 at 8:07 pm
I started Magical Thinking yesterday and cannot put it down either. I read Slouching Toward Bethlehem, The White Album, A Book of Common Prayer and Paly it as it lays in the 70s and they affected me profoundly. Now reading her again I am also deeply affected and will read everything she has written in between. Also I have been searching the Internet for more on Quintana which is how I found this site.
July 3, 2006 at 7:02 pm
Recently read “Year of Magical Thinking.” It was so well written! Has a lot of commonalities with my life. I am so curious though about Quintana and especially about the origin of her name and why her parents chose it. My sympathy to Joan.
October 2, 2006 at 5:07 pm
Having suffered so many important losses (father, mother, sister, father- and mother in-law, aunts, uncles, niece and dear friend) — 6 of these in a time span of 7 years — I was drawn to and yet afraid to read the Year of Magical Thinking. Joan Didion articulates those feelings and thought processes which seemed to me impossible to articulate. Thank you Joan. You are correct: we “…must relinquish the dead, let them go, keep them dead.” I can only try to imagine how hard it must have been for you to write those words, as it was so incredibly difficult but important for me to read them. Thank you again. May we be blessed with more of your writing in the years ahead.
October 22, 2006 at 6:55 pm
Quintana is named after the state in Mexico called Quintana Roo, which is where Cancun is located. I learned that just a few weeks ago when I traveled to Mexico. When I returned home I happened to start reading “The Year of Magical Thinking” and like so many others, was captivated by it. It makes sense for Didion and Dunne to have named their daughter such an unusual and evocative name; they were (and Didion remains) so well-traveled and engaged with the world.
November 11, 2006 at 11:26 am
I just finished Year of Magical Thinking and, like so many of you who have written here, curiosity about Quintana drew me to the web, where I discovered her passing and this symphony of sympathetic voices. Thank you.
November 22, 2006 at 2:22 pm
A friend recommended a “Year of Magical Thinking” which I’ve just finished. A close friend recently lost her husband and I thought it might help me to better understand what she’s going through. I was very moved by the book and compelled to find out how Quintana fared. It’s so very sad and disturbing to learn that Quintana also was lost to Joan…too difficult for me to thoroughly absorb. My condolences to Joan Didion and to all who write here and have recently suffered intimate losses.
November 28, 2006 at 1:43 pm
I read “Magical Thinking” a few weeks ago at my sister’s and just bought my own copy because I must have this book. I lost my daughter, Cynthia, this April after a “lingering illness”. She was such a person and I am honored to have been her mother. Joan’s book has been the most honest that I have read. It broke my heart knowing it was written before Quintana’s death.
As Joan called another author, I, too, was going to call Joan until I found this site. (Also wondering about Quintana). I have always known we let only a portion of ourselves be known to others, yet , I know those I know and love the best cannot stand this level of sadness. Thank you, Joan, for your honesty.
December 29, 2006 at 4:51 am
I have always admired Joan Didion’s writing and looked forward to reading “Magical Thinking,” knowing that she’d be able to express the many emotions and processes I endured after losing my mother and two aunts in four years. I read this book while on my first trip to London this summer for a wedding–had trouble putting it down many times even when it was to leave for awesome experiences such as Westminster Abbey. I just found out last night that poor Joan lost Quintana as well–I thought surely I heard incorrectly–and just now realized while reading other sites looking for information on Quintana that I in fact finished reading Joan’s book on the very day that Quintana died. My sincere condolences and hope that your beautiful writing continues to sustain you, Joan, as it does so many others.
January 5, 2007 at 12:58 am
My own daughter was born with a serious heart defect, Truncus Arteriosis. The diagnosis made me feel extremely fragine, as if I was slipping on a bananna peel, and I was more terrified when the doctors told me to take a CPR course while our baby daughter was less than two weeks old. I gradually regained confidence in life and imparted that zest to Kelly. Our daughter Kelleen is now 23, and I feel that each day is a gift. (Kelly is now a graduate student in social work, and she has a talent for helping children who are hospitalized, including an internship in pediatric oncology at UCLA, where she touched many children’s lives.) Joan’s book, The Year of Magical Thinking, is also a gift. It reminds me of how fragile life is. My heart aches for the pain Joan must be suffering. I would love to hear more about Quintana Roo’s life and the meaning that her life has had for those who love her.
January 16, 2007 at 12:02 pm
I caught a glimpse of Joan DIdion on MS’s show and heard her speak of losing husband and daughter… i never watch that show… my daughter was off school and she had it on. I was mesmerized by Mrs Didion and ordered the book 2 days later. I didn’t realize she’d written it before Quintana died. I lost my 24 year old niece in July 2004, 2 months after my beloved grandmother, and my friend lost her husband in Feb 2005. I thought i would read this book and pass it on to her… Now i will hope that Mrs Didion shares the rest of the story of Quintana’s life with us.
We all came here curious to learn more about her and learned that there were so many others out there that shared the tremendous grief of the loss of someone we held very near and dear. This doesn’t just happen to others, it happens to us…
January 27, 2007 at 11:36 pm
I too read “The Year of Magical Thining” very quickly. It is so compeling and beautiful in its openness. It touches that deep sadness within us as we experience the loss of those we love, and realize the inevitableness of future loss. The book ended with Quitanna seemingly out of danger, but I thought she had died and was sad to find that is so. My heart goes out to Joan Didion. She was given a beautiful family which is gone in an instant. I thank her for her incredible gift to us in sharing her experience.
February 9, 2007 at 10:20 pm
I am working on a argumentative paper for my college class. It is Joan’s “On Going Home”
i was searching information about this essay. and I found this site. i am sorry to hear this news…
February 17, 2007 at 10:52 pm
I am part of a book club here in Beijing, China and we were given this book, A Year of Magical Thinking, for the stretch of January to February, over the Chinese New Year. I was reading another book about China and was literally falling asleep when I reached over and thought I would start the first page. Four hours later I was 2/3 finished the book and it was 3am! Yes, definitely not a self help, but seems to express what grief and loss are about, to the point and beautifully written. I am like the many readers before me who are searching for information about Quintana Roo, as I am also a photographer. I am interested in seeing Q’s work, to get more of a story about her. I am, however, not convinced that Didion should do a book about Quintana, perhaps a collection of Q’s photos might be enough.
February 20, 2007 at 12:34 am
Wonderful accounting of a beautiful life together - compelling and I know why we are here - to find out more of Quintana’s life and to hold on to the personal way Didion captures us in Magical Thinking ….. my prayers are with you
February 24, 2007 at 7:08 pm
I just finished Year of Magical Thinking. I had seen a review when it first came out and felt I must read it. A few months later my husband and I were diagnosed with lung cancer and I didn’t think about the book again until my husband died in December 2006. He did not just fall over dead he lingered fighting all the way until he finally couldn’t fight anymore. I bought her book a few day s ago and it seemed to be an expression of the reality of losing a life companion that only a writer of Didion’s understanding could express.
Her words gave form to my own loss. I was very sorry to hear of Quintana’s death. Wanting to find out about her brought me to this site. My deepest sympathy to all those who wrote about the loss of a child.
February 25, 2007 at 7:33 pm
a bottle of scotch and this damn magical thinking book and you’re well on your way to cathartic wallowing, a few vicadans and i’m ready to fire my therapist, HIS way takes too long.
March 5, 2007 at 3:02 pm
Just finished The Year of Magical Thinking today. It was given to me by one of the women in my bereavement support group. My husband died 5/31/05. Joan Didion’s book struck so many chords that resonated with me. There is a difference between sudden loss and an illness of 1 1/2 years; however, there is much that is the same. Along with my major loss, I have had 7 other losses since my husband’s death. I needed to feel the connection between those of us who have had losses, and although I have never met Joan Didion I will forever feel as though I have. It was this interest that led me to this site. Like many who have written, even with the losses I have had, I cannot begin to imagine the loss of Quintana. I hope that Joan feels the positive energy, love, prayers and support that are going out to her, and knows that we are one with her in her grief. I am awaiting her next book. There is still so much she can teach us.
March 17, 2007 at 11:15 pm
I lost my husband suddenly of an anurism in at 1981. He was only 33. All these years I kept it to myself about the pretending he was still alive and would be back anytime. I didn’t want people to think I was crazy. The book was very healing for me.
I am so sorry to hear about Q, it is heartbreaking.
March 20, 2007 at 11:24 am
I just finished The Year of Magical Thinking and it touched me so deeply that I’m going to read it again in case I missed something. My husband and I lost our daughter in November 1977. Amy Wallace Mercer was taken by c-section when I was 6 1/2 months pregnant and lived for only one day. My father died of a sudden heart attack four months later. I’ve been carrying around this personal pain in my heart all these years. I wasn’t sure that I could handle this book, but as I started reading, I felt such a calmness come over me. Thank you Ms. Didion for sharing your own personal grief. Please accept my condolence on the loss of Quintana.
March 20, 2007 at 11:46 pm
I just finished reading The Year of Magical Thinking this morning. The entire time I was reading it, I had this dreadful feeling that Joan was going to lose Quintana too. Today’s Newsweek came in the mail this afternoon and it has a review of Joan’s Broadway play and I learned just today that Quintana died too. I was so saddened. I don’t know how I missed that news when it happened. I went online to find out more about her daughter and that brought me to this site. My heart goes out to Joan, and to all the people who have written about their losses.
March 23, 2007 at 2:27 am
I’ve been listening (audible book) to Year of Magical Thinking on and off for almost a year. Joan Didion does an amazing job of putting words to the grief, the mourning. I’ve had many losses in my life. I didn’t find out until I looked for info on Quintana that she, too, had died.
I’m so sorry Joan Didion. It’s almost too much for one person to bear…except I’ve known others who have borne such great sorrows. God be with you.
April 9, 2007 at 1:20 am
I just finished reading Year of Magical Thinking and could not put it down. it crystallized so many acts that i did and thoughts that I thought after the unexpected passing of my precious mother at age 59, 3.5 years ago. I went online to learn about Quintana and was devastated to learn that she had passed. My gosh…Joan…I am praying for you. I hope that you will write a book about Quintana. I am also the mother of a daughter through adoption. God be with you.
April 13, 2007 at 10:16 am
I so hope that Ms. Didion reads these comments from time to time. I just finished seeing her and Vanessa Redgrave on the Today Show highlighting “The Year of Magical Thinking” play.
My Mom had been on a “mission” to find this book in the Spring of 2006. She loved it so much that she kept trying to “push” it on me for months. Mom died suddenly of a massive stroke on October 1, 2006. She lived with me and my family for nearly 5 years. I picked up this book for no apparent reason while cleaning her room. And of course, I couldn’t put it down. It was almost as if Mom had put it in my hands again and willed me to read it. I had no idea how much it would help me in my own grieving process, but I think my Mom knew. I have passed it on to my brother to hopefully help him get through his arduous grief.
Up until this morning, I assumed Quintana had survived her mysterious illness. I was actually devastated to hear that she had died. I guess all of us who have read “The Year of Magical Thinking”, share in the grief of Joan Didion. I hope she knows that there are multitudes of people who support her. I guess one way to alleviate just a bit of the tragedies that Ms. Didion has experienced, is that she has helped thousands in writing this book.
Thank you, Joan Didion.
April 15, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Joan Didion has, through her work, held my hand through college when I felt nothing (but NOTHING) was meaningful, through young adulthood when I realized the America of heroes and idealism to be irrevocably lost, and through my marriage when I needed confirmation that even if we could be blessed with giftedness, affluence and charmed privilege, such would not make smooth the emotional terrain of family.
She was born the same year as my mother, and I feel closer akin to her than to my mother. I was a photographer for many years and smiled to know that Quintana shared my interest. I was born the day after Quintana’s adoption and enjoyed imagining life as Didion’s daughter - my own magical thinking.
I feel like a part of me has been lost in her loss; I would give almost anything if I could make it different, make it easier for her as she so often has for me…bring them back.
Above all, I am grateful for her life and work - her subtle and deadly-true prose that has helped me (and many others) to navigate a dangerous and deceptive world. I praise God for the gift of her, knowing that the fall of the sparrow does not mean God is not watching.
I wish I could sit in silence now and hold her hand - sit exposed in a warm rain, looking not at each other but a nameless valley, not depressed but sad…reasonably and completely justifiably sad about all bad that is and good that isn’t - but that would be for me, not for her.
We are all falling. I am comforted by and grateful for her presence as I fall. Unknowingly, she has whispered to me that it will be alright, and for some reason I have believed her when I have believed no one else. Believed her enough to keep flying.
My mother would thank Ms. Didion for what she has meant to me if my mother were at all capable of understanding it. And my children will love Ms. Didion because they love me, and because I love her…so much.
So I reside in this grief; I have been preoccupied with it since finishing Magical Thinking, and there are floors to be mopped, clothes to be washed, and essays to be graded (and - oh God - lessons to be planned…), but I have to rest here a bit longer.
Regardless of the fact that she will never know me, it comforts me to share her grief and to pray for her, this woman I will never meet. Just because of some words she has put on paper. Mote in the eye of God, indeed!
It is really a quite miraculous thing.
May 5, 2007 at 5:25 pm
The scene in Kansas when the plane lands from LA in a cornfield to refuel, the care of a mother to her daughter, Quintana was most passionate, the airlift to NY, more ambulances, another hospital stay and recovery for awhile, a husband and friends, more time. A very moving memoir, I was unsure of what I was believing towards the end. But this is not finished. A sharing of grief and spirit and a woman who continues on with her life.
May 10, 2007 at 5:50 pm
I sat transfixed in my own ‘magical thinking’ to try to understand the sense of loss of this magnitude. I am unable to capture the words needed to
convey my feelings. Neither the loss of my parents or my younger sisbling could ever prepare me for losing a child of my own. I weep for
ones who endure and continue to live, not in spite, but with the pain.
May 14, 2007 at 2:49 pm
Bought the book at the airport for my vacation…….knew it was about losing a husband and a daughter. (My son died suddenly 4 years ago, my father 1 month ago) Mrs. Didion is normal and smart and is not crazy. And I am not crazy either. I did not want to be told my son was dead because then I would have to act like it was true. So, I think sometimes he is still alive and I have someone else’s ashes and he should get in touch with us because we are very worried about him.
June 2, 2007 at 5:13 pm
a moving book, left me wanting to talk to, see and meet Joan Didion.I have no idea what I would say, perhaps so sorry and many thanks.
June 12, 2007 at 10:06 pm
I have just now finished “The Year of Magical Thinking” . I beleive I am not through the magical thinking as of yet, even though my husband died in June 2002. He had been diagnosis with Alzheimers in the early part of the ninetys, he was in the early stages and understood the consequences of the diagnosis. Like Joan and John we work in adjoining studios, we enjoyed coming together at times during the day for coffee or lunch, and discussing what we presently working on or of other things, we were quiet at times, we could become quite absorbed ,we didn’t always have the need to converse,it was enough just to be near to one another. Since he had early warning of what was in store for him, he left notes all over the house for me, especially in books, to this day I am still finding them as well as little maxims. He did eventually lose his ability to read, write ,and also to speak ,he knew me to the very end. I am convinced that he was aware of his impending death. The last time I saw him,in a nursing home the result of a broken ankle, as I was leaving he firmly grabbed me by the arm and pulled me to him. He said “I love you” and would not let go until he was sure I understood his words. The next day he was gone. I thought I was prepared for his death because of his condition, I was not ! It was a shock. In the year that follow his death I was in miasma, I made many unusual blunders I was definetly on a different plane. This beautiful book has made things come more clear for me than anything before now. this is the most beautiful book I have ever read, I know I will come back again and again. Thank Joan Didion
July 10, 2007 at 5:11 am
I am grateful for having found and read The Year of Magical Thinking. A few years ago when I was an undergraduate at Berkeley, one of Joan Didions books was on my course reading list for an American cultures class. Having moved back to Sweden I have often found myself missing Berkeley, a very hard place to leave. Remembering my time there, I was happy to find Didions new book in my local bookstore. It is also a time in my life now when I am expecting to experience grief. Reading this book allowed me to breathe more easily for a moment, helped me to better grasp some of the elusiveness of it all. A few days after I finished reading the book I had a sudden urge to know more of Q, and was saddened by the news I received.
August 29, 2007 at 5:38 pm
I believe I read Ms. Didion’s book last spring after hearing her interviewed on NPR ( or was it Fresh Air? ). Unfortunately, I only heard a portion so I was unaware of developments following the publication of the book. The book has stayed with me continuously and I have recommended it to everyone. Until today, I always assumed that Quintana recovered and went on to lead a wonderful life with her new husband, maybe even having a child. My mother has said repeatedly that she remembered hearing about Q’s death and I always hoped that she was wrong. Today, I decided to find out; it must still seem surreal to Ms. Didion. I cannot imagine her pain. I shall always remember “The Year of Magical Thinking” and I fear that someday I may need to read it again as my personal handbook for grief. Thank you for sharing such a gift of information, insight and imtimacy, Ms. Didion.
September 4, 2007 at 4:42 pm
My 50 year old husband died of acute mylogenous leukemia 11 years ago. When I heard about Joan’s book, “The Year Of Magical Thinking” I was afraid to read it. I have finally started it, and immediately connected to her search for knowledge and comfort through literature. I kept going to ” When he dies, cut him into a million stars, and he will make the heavens so fair that all the world will be in love with night.”
And then, her daughter too…it doesn’t bear thinking about. My deepest sympathy to her.
November 5, 2007 at 1:43 pm
I am Italian and my English is “poor”.Yet I must say I read “The Year of Magical Thinking” once,twice…and I will go on reading it…It seems to me that grief is the only way to remember:I have lost my husband eight years ago.The best way to remember is through the universal grief expressed by a great artist
December 2, 2007 at 10:56 am
The book is inspiring. I find myself reading it again and again. It reminds me to live in the moment, and not take my life and my family for granted. Ms. Didion, I am sorry to hear of your losses.
December 15, 2007 at 9:07 pm
A most beautiful book. If you ever find it in your self to write about Quintana, the world certainly awaits your deft touch. From all I can gather, John Gregory Dunne would be so proud.
December 16, 2007 at 3:40 pm
Like so many others who have written I found this site while trying to get more information on Quintana Roo. I finished Magical Thinking this morning and read it in record time. I lost my husband Sept. 1, 2004 and as I read the book I kept thinking about what I was doing on the dates that Ms Didion mentions throughout the book. I have been having a hard time letting him go, but this book resonates with me-the grief she expresses and the thoughts she had during that first year were very familiar to me. I know I need to leave him be dead, I struggle to find meaning in life without him, though. I read only one other book about losing a spouse, more of a how-to which deeply depressed me. I vowed I would not read another. I found the title too interesing to resist. I am glad I gave in to my curiousity. This book will help me. Thank you Ms Didion.
December 29, 2007 at 10:00 am
I finished “…Magical Thinking” and cannot get it out of my head. This novel has really touched me. I wanted to know more about Quintana, and was shocked to find out that she died. I feel awful, and my heart goes out to Ms. Didion. It really changed how I want to live my life– cherishing everyone close to me, because you never know– you could sit down to dinner and life does change as you know it. This book was beautifully written, and I wold love another on Quintana, I don’t know why but she feels so familiar to me. There is something about everyone in this novel that makes me feel like I know them and was there. Thanks for such a beautifully written book, you are an inspiration to all.
February 5, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I finished ” Magical Thinking” last night and was on the phone just now,+ with a friend whose husband is about to go through a medical ordeal. I was going on and on about losing yourself in a Vortex, when you are feeling worried or sad, taking you back to a happy place in your life. My friend then told me how terribly she feels and how she couldn’t even stand the fact that Joan had lost Quintana also. I had no idea so I went back and looked and looked in the book for a sign, but found none.. So sorry, so sad, what a shock but still what a great read! I have a husband of 40 years, we are very much in love, he is in his office in this house with me all day long. Sometimes, we do not see each other from morning until night. This book is the wake up call we all need. I am going to make lunch dates and look forward to our cocktail hour with great anticipation now. Thank you, Joan, I wish I could write something so elegant that would make such an impression on you. This book is a wake up call.
May 11, 2008 at 1:17 am
I just finished “Magical Thinking”. Yes, it is thoughtful, insightful, frank, etc. I relate to Didion’s fanatical retracing of events, searching for clues, philosophical queries , and musing. I feel i have been living in this mode for the past month. Her description of the way people who are grieving look (”invisible”), put words to the way I have been feeling. I just lost my father all too soon. Watching him die a rather painful, violent hospital death, i often retrace my thoughts, and try to imagine myself with more power- or think of how it had been different had he been surrounded by a more competent people his remaining years. Didion makes some statements in her book that are rather narrow, and can best be understood as from a perspective of grief. She talks about the loss of a parent as expected, as somehow not “rating” compared with that of a mate (well, what if that parent dies before they have been able to retire or enjoy life, or before the child has been able to grow up or succeed and make them proud? or a myriad of other possibilities). She also says that divorce does not make someone truly alone. She knows nothing of the type of isolation that comes after a failed marriage. I have been told by someone, who has lost two husbands, that “divorce is worse than death in some ways, because you are left judged.” The truth is, as Didion should be able to understand, grief is not selective. It can undermine and un glue whether it comes from death or some other form of loss. And everyone gets a dose of it in the end.
July 20, 2008 at 2:24 am
This is my year of grief. Undertanding it is all around us does not dampen the sense of loss. Like most entries have just finsihed reading The Year of Magical Thinking. Is this our way of dealing with something we just don’t want to hear? Dad died a horrible death, literally drowning in his own secretions, of emphysema/old age. Mum has long gone. An orphan is an orphan. A widow is a widow. The pain is real.
Thanks for the open discussion.
Regards,
Jenny E.
September 1, 2008 at 2:44 pm
One month ago, my only sibling, my brother Colin, also died of leukemia (AML) like the husband of Joanne Gonzalez, who wrote above. We were extremely close. He was 44 with two young children, 2 and 6. His good friend Pat gave me “The Year of Magical Thinking” last week and I finished it last night. It is the only book I have read since my brother’s sickness began a year ago. I now see it is the only book I could have possibly read in this time. Like others who have written on this site, I cannot wait to read more of Joan Didion’s work. Also like others, I found this site while looking for more information on Quintana. Pat had told me of her death when he gave me the book. I was at first afraid to read the book, thinking it would make my pain worse. Instead, Joan Didion’s wonderful ability to put a name to those feelings we all know but just can’t articulate was therapeutic for me. The book will remain on my bedside table indefinitely to be read again and again as I travel down this well worn path of grief and mourning. Thank you, Joan Didion, and thank you, Pat.